托福独立作文8.2

eivissa

Don’t agree
1 Performance doesn’t mean everything to a student.
2 It is no good for students to develop their self-confidence.
3 For some students,They don’t have a chance get a good education.



In today’s society,if teachers should be paid depends on the performance of their student?Different people may have different answer.With all aspects carefully consider,I totally convince that it is a bad idea that teacher should be paid according to how well their students perform.

First of all,performance doesn’t mean everything for a student.We couldn’t judge a students just depends on how well he perform in the class.We also need to pay attention to the other aspects.For instance,the mental health of a student and the basic social skill.These things are also important for the students.Teachers couldn’t just focus on one point of students. As we all know,the founder of Microsoft ,Bill Gates was drop out from Harvard to concentrated on his own business.For this reason,he totally couldn’t be regard as a well-performance students.But he indeed made a great contribution for people all over the world.And change the modern people’s life.So it is unreasonable for just focus on how students perform in the school.And use this view to influence the paying of teachers.

Furthermore,this paying way is no good for students to develop their self-confidence.Because it may lead to teachers pay more attention to some students who perform well in the class.As a research for BBC,it shown that a teacher’s expression can influence the growth of students’ character.If a teacher always smile and encourage a student,the student’s confidence may greater than other students. It is no doubt that boost confidence is important for all the students.So it may be unfair for some other students.

I have to concede that if teachers could earn more money by training more well-performance student,they may have more motivation. But for a little students,they may be ignored by their teachers just because they do not perform well.For instance,in the 60s and 70s,people in China experienced hard time.Many students at that time have to give up advanced education.It is so bad for their future.So you know how important for a student to get a good education.We need to assure that all the students in the school have a equal chance to get a well education.

To sum up,Our society will be develop with the advanced education.We should protect all the students in the school be take good care of equally.So I insist that it is a terrible idea that teachers should be paid just depend on how their students perform.  

山姆大叔

结构上到位了，细节上你还需要仔细地检查。有几个地方是你常犯的错误，最近写完作文以后，你都要记得要检查一下：1、动词是不是谓语动词，能不能用原形 2、动词的时态和单复数、主被动关系对不对 3、一个句子当中的主谓宾是否齐全。这三个地方如果都注意到了，你在作文里80%的错误就都避免了。一定要注意哈。这篇作文你按照我修改的内容，再写一遍吧。


In today’s society,if teachers should be paid depends on the performance of their student?（注意这里哈，你要表示疑问的话，就老老实实写一般疑问问，比如Should teachers be paid depending on...if这个词是放在从句里表示“是否”疑问的，比如People are arguing if teachers should be paid depending on the performance of their students.）Different people may have different answer.With all aspects carefully consider(considered，因为aspects是被考虑的，所以要用动词的过去分词表示被动。你在检查写作的时候，要注意这种动词原形出现的地方，十有八九是写错了),I totally convince that it is a bad idea that teacher should be paid according to how well their students perform.

First of all,performance doesn’t mean everything for a student.We couldn’t judge a students just depends on（根据什么事情来判断，可以直接写judge somebody by some thing,写depends on 反而谓语动词打架了） how well he perform（三单） in the class.We also need to pay attention to the other aspects.For instance,the mental health of a student and the basic social skill.These things are also important for the students.Teachers couldn’t just focus on one point of students. As we all know,the founder of Microsoft ,Bill Gates was drop（动词冲突了吧？你检查的时候看到这里是动词原形就可以再仔细想想写对了没有） out from Harvard to concentrated（动词不定式） on his own business.For this reason,he totally couldn’t be regard as a well-performance students.But he indeed made a great contribution for people all over the world.And change the modern people’s life.So it is unreasonable for just focus on how students perform in the school.And use this view to influence the paying of teachers.（注意别这么写句子哈，动词开头的句子只有一种情况，祈使句，祈使句一般都是对you，第二人称说的。所以你这么写的话，在语法都是错的。你不如不写中间的句号，直接跟and use this view）

Furthermore,this paying way is no good（应该是is not good，no good是口语化的表达，别写在写作里） for students to develop their self-confidence.Because it may lead to teachers pay more attention to（lead to 和pay attention to打架了。你可以说make teachers pay more attention to，因为有固定的搭配，使某人做某事，make somebody do something） some students who perform well in the class.As a research for BBC,it shown that a teacher’s expression can influence the growth of students’ character.If a teacher always smile and encourage a student,the student’s confidence may greater than other students. It is no doubt that boost confidence is important for all the students.So it may be unfair for some other students.

I have to concede that if teachers could earn more money by training more well-performance student,they may have more motivation. But for a little students（学生是可数的，所以应该是a few students）,they may be ignored by their teachers just because they do not perform well.For instance,in the 60s and 70s,people in China experienced hard time.Many students at that time have to(过去的事情用过去时) give up advanced education.It is so bad for their future.So you know how important for a student to get a good education.We need to assure that all the students in the school have a equal chance to get a well education.

To sum up,Our society will be develop with the advanced education.We should protect（后面其实是一个从句，你这里用protect不如用make sure that） all the students in the school be take good care of equally.So I insist that it is a terrible idea that teachers should be paid just depend on how their students perform.