Tpo27

Tony

In life, one has to face many importance choices, whether or not to choose a secure job is one of them. what kinds of job one has chosen maybe have a huge impact on satisfaction of his or her live. considering all aspects of this strategic choice, form my perspective, I highly agree that take the secure job once you have the opportunity.

first and foremost, as we all acknowledge that secure job can bring us working experience right away on our profile or resume which make us more competitive than those who do not have any working experience. on the job market, many companies require employer to have at lest one year working experience, or some experience that has relation to the job which you apply. If you have working experience before, you will have more possibility to gain this job. For example, my friend Jim, is a third year student of business management of administration. He had an opportunity to work for the local bank and he accepted the job right away. as soon as he graduated for the university, he quit the job and he apply another job called bank manager which is so competitive that more than sixty percent of students of the particular major are applying. luckily, based on his working experience he won the job at last.
moreover, secure job saves you a lot of time on finding a job on market and makes you more successful than your peers. Find a job is costly and time consuming. Especially for the people who just finished his education. However, secure job cuts off the finding process which provide you with more time to perform on your work. commonly if you work hard and constantly keep positive attitude to your job, your boss definitely will appreciate your works and give you promotion in the future. For example, my brother Kim, he took his secure job right away. at first the salary is low and the work is tedious, but my brother always keeps high enthusiasm and positive attitude to his work. later, his boss moved by his persistence and highly positive attitude and promoted him to a higher position. while my brother's friends are trying to compete with other employers for a low wage job, my brother already is sitting in his office and drinking coffee.

admittedly, people choose to wait for a job that would he likes will bring him satisfaction and enjoyment in the future. however, on balance, the effect that was brought out by secure job overweighs the job that would people more satisfying. such as saving time and so on.

obviously, all evidences have confirmed an undoubted conclusion that people should take secure job right away when he has the opportunity.

Tony

求批改！谢谢～～

山姆大叔

总的来说，这篇差不多打到20分吧。主要有这么几个问题，首先是论据的说服力不强，作文字数不太够。其次就是造句上出的问题太多，比如第一段就好几次出现了该用动词ing形式的时候用了原型。接下来还得多积累素材，多造句，多总结才行